Canada accused of centuries-long maple syrup theft

Iceland demands immediate reparations as officials release 84-page dossier of “overwhelmingly convenient” evidence.

REYKJAVIK - The Icelandic Ministry of Sticky Affairs has formally accused Canada of conducting what officials describe as the largest syrup-related intellectual property theft in recorded human history.

At a heated press conference Tuesday morning, historian and part-time snowmobile mechanic Bjorn Magnusson unveiled the party’s evidence: a rune stone, a child’s drawing, multiple arrows, and testimony from a man identified only as Big Eirik.

Canadian officials declined to recognize the claim, which ISRP analysts interpreted as “exactly what someone guilty of syrup theft would say.”